Weight a minute while I catch my breath cuz it's probably in Toledo by now.

So I joined a gym.

Yeah, "Yea me!" By God's grace I have a friend who had already joined a while back. I'm now an office Black Card member at Planet Fitness. We went for the first time today and I was able to walk for 30 minutes (total) and we did some weight machines for upper body. After that we sat in the massage chair for 5 minutes and marveled at modern technology.

I tried the recumbent bike but my stomach and legs are too big for that right now. It puts too much stress on my hips trying to bring my feet that close together. Does that sound pathetic? It felt pathetic! I'm wondering if it will be the same for a standard stationary bike? I also tried the elliptical machine but the amount of weight I'm trying to... elliptic...ize(?) is just too much for my creaky knees right now. Exercising should burn, not make you feel like something is broken, right? So I walked for 14 minutes on the treadmill then tried the other two machines. When I realized I wasn't going to be able to do them right away I settled for 17 more minutes on the treadmill and some upper body weight machines.

It's a little humbling, surprisingly it wasn't embarrassing, to get on the treadmill and realize just how very much I need to be on that treadmill. (I chock that up - not being embarrassed - to the fact that there weren't a lot of people in the gym when we went, and PF has a supposed "no judgment" mantra.) I got over the humility pretty fast, however, because all I could think about was breathing and breathing and, well, breathing. I would turn up my speed and then my walking buddy would ask me a question so I'd turn the speed back down a few clicks to be able to communicate with out gasping after every syllable. I always stayed above 1.5 mph, though, until it was time for the cool down, which the treadmill computer did on its own. So in the middle of my 30 minutes I tried out the other machines and then came back and finished out on the treadmill again. Let me tell you, walking in the grocery store makes the time fly so much faster than walking on the treadmill. But the treadmill gives you more info, and I'm kind of an info junkie right now.

Speaking of info junkie, I started back on My Fitness Pal as well and I am slightly addicted to putting all my food and exercise information in. :-) It's probably the same character trait in me that makes me want to blog. Ha ha ha. I'm being diligent but not militant about things, though. It still has to be about freedom otherwise I'm going to rebel against it like I've done in the past.

I'm looking at going to gym with the same attitude: I am free to go to the gym and workout or not. It would be silly for me to pay for the membership and not go, but I'm allowed to make that choice if I want to. If I'm not feeling well one day - and I'm talking really sick, not just tired - then I'm not going to beat myself up for staying home. It's a freedom, not a requirement. It's a gift, really. It's also a great excuse to get out of the house during the day... I'll admit that my mental health was starting to suffer since I don't have a traditional 8 to 5 job and was spending most of my day just hanging out with the DD woman I live with. My goal is to go to the gym 4 times a week, and also hit the aquatic center at least 2 times a week for physical therapy for my cervical vertebrae injury/herniated discs. This is the plan, I made the plan so I get healthy, healthy makes me happy, but happiness is a choice. Ha ha ha. I'm not requiring myself to be happy. I want to be happy.

It's all about perspective.

What a difference a day makes...

Darn you, Eve!

I know there's that, "You who are without sin cast the first stone," thing, but there are moments when I really want to have a few words with our foremother. Over the last two weeks I've been dealing with some female issues that started out pretty benign and easy to handle. I'm at a certain age where changes are happening so I'm studied up and have the proper doctor visits scheduled to make sure everything is indeed, "normal." Late last night/early this morning, however, things took a bit of a nose dive off the deep end of "easy to handle" and I found myself hormonal, lacking necessities, and craving everything in and out of sight. So I went to the store and purchased the necessities I had long run out of (not to mention wrongly assumed I would not be using again) and sat in the car to sulk for a bit.

Then I went crazy...

But stayed under my calories...

And I probably won't go to the gym tomorrow if things keep "going" the way they are now.

I can't really blame Eve. Granted her actions made it so that all of her future daughters would have to suffer certain issues relating to fertility and child-bearing. But, in her disobedience what she did was eat something she shouldn't have... Obviously this little apple didn't fall far from her foremother's tree, so I can't and won't judge.

I'll just grumble and whine for a little bit and start new tomorrow.

Welcome Back!

Back in the saddle, back on the wagon, back in business, back in the USSR... okay, maybe not that last one. :) It's been too long! Or maybe it's been just long enough? God *is* mysterious in His ways, right?

I'm not sure how many times I've figured this out before, but I just figured it out again; I don't do well with change. Let me clarify - I don't transition well with regard to life changes and the effect they have on my health habits. Yep, that says it right there. It's been almost two years since I was in the health frame of mind. Looking back over this time I can see where I lost track. In fact, I think I can pinpoint the the initial decision that lead to the eventual off-ramp and detour. I chose to go back to something that I'd failed at/struggled with several times before under the unwise assumption that some slight alterations would this time lead me to success. Inevitably these alterations didn't pan out and the situation ended up being pretty much the same as it had been each time before. You know that saying about the definition of insanity, right? Well, there I was. It turned out to be a pretty big deal with regard to my overall health and wellness and I found myself traveling back down a road I really couldn't afford to be on again. What started out as a seemingly small pebble in my shoe soon began to affect every aspect of my life and the downward spiral wasn't far off. God uses what He will to make things happen, however, and in June of last year I was able to change my circumstances so that I could literally and figuratively escape the return to the path of destruction, and get back on the road that would lead me to the correct on-ramp. That correct on-ramp was still another 6 months away, but praise Him, I found it, and by His grace I'll stay on the straight and narrow this time.

So here I am, six months later! It's the beginning of a new year, I'm in a very stable situation where I can pick and choose what I want to allow into my life (versus what simply won't cut it). Things aren't ideal in every way, but my frame of mind, and my all important clarity of thinking are back. THIS is really what takes a beating when I get all discombobulated because of some kind of chaos (usually self induced) that upsets my world. Once things settle down, once I allow Him to settle them down and show me where I went wrong, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.

So here's to starting all over again!

And really, I'll do it (start over) as often as I need to, as often as He allows me to, in order to be able to honestly say I'm doing the very best I can. Right now that means keeping track of what I eat and making allowances for life and the different eating situations I run into. It also means getting out and moving: I joined a gym, and will also do physical therapy at a nearby aquatic center. Finally, it means accountability. I have a food buddy and a workout buddy!

So here's to new starts, new years, and new opportunities! I'm looking forward to checking in here and talking about what I'm learning. If you're reading this, thanks for stopping by!

 "Strength shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over." ~F. Scott Fitzgerald