Practicing Health And Talking about it.

First let me just say that I'm pretty excited about this!

Up until now I've been fairly secretive and/or vague about my desire to be a healthy size, and more recently, about my weight loss and changed way of thinking about dieting. I haven't kept it totally under wraps; I've told some family members, I'm being accountable to some friends on a website that works for me (thanks for the head's up KP), and I've responded somewhat openly to the few people who have asked if I'm losing weight. (Apparently you can see a slight change in my face at the time of this writing.) But for the most part I haven't said much about the recent success I've had. Y'see, at the end of January this year I started something that seems to have stuck, or maybe something started in me that stuck. Either way, I had this low-key, sort of "Doh!" kind of moment where a lot of things I had heard or read over the years finally clicked and I feel like, for the first time ever, I get it.

I know! See? That's one of the reasons I'm excited about "this."

I mean, "this" has been a long time coming! I've talked about my weight before... After all, once you get past the 300 pound mark, unless your 6 foot 7 and playing offense for the Oregon Ducks, denying that you're overweight becomes a little ridiculous. I've been over 300 pounds for a looooonnnnnnnggggggg time now. I don't care how strong I was when I tipped the scales back then, I was OH-BESE, and I had the medical (not to mention the social) diagnosis to back that up. So from that point on, without sharing any actual numbers, I would regularly acknowledge the elephant in the room - sometimes making jokes about it (see what I did there with the elephant thing?), but more often than not, seeking comfort from friends about it and ending up so upset about it that I cried myself puffy-eyed. (No joke intended by using the word, "puffy" - maybe I should have used "swollen?")

But the same was true when I went on diets and had success! I was usually vocal about how much weight I was losing, and with a select few I would even talk about the things I was learning about myself. Things like my food addiction, and my tendency to eat my feelings. As time went by and I yo-yoed down a little, up a bit more than before, down some but less than last time, etc., I was also able to confess, to some fellow strugglers, that I had taken to binging, and on a rare occasion, purging. I could, on a clinical level, even discuss my literal obsession with food that caused me to do things like worry about my next meal before I had even finished the one I was currently consuming.

Over the years I blogged about my "issue," wrote and gave speeches about it, I've alluded to it on Facebook, I even joined a dating website specifically for people who were overweight... all in an effort to put "it" out there that I was aware of my obesity, that I wasn't against working on/changing it, but that there was also some semblance of, "this is who I am and on some level I gotta be okay with me" rolling around in my head and heart. But this is the first time I've decided to talk about it in a truly open and vulnerable way. So why not break with tradition? And while I'm breaking with tradition, why I don't I kick it up a notch and really put it "out there" - especially since I seem to have gained some kind of insight (dare I call it divine clarification?) into my own heart and mind and can FINALLY look at my choices and situation in a practical and, for the most part, unemotional way! Heck yeah! I'm gonna do it!

I can't begin to tell you how much I look forward to just dishing out the day to day stuff that I encounter and experience along the way. This isn't going to be about what to do and what not to do - I've realized that stringent rules and dietary legalism are what have messed me up! This isn't going to be totally about weight loss, or exercising, or nutrition, or any one thing. It's going to be about finding the balance God wants for me: the balance between the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual parts of me. One day I might talk about exercise and the next I might talk about how I chose to go over my calories. The next focus might be on how my emotions play into my over eating, and the day after that I might talk about how God is revealing his plan for me in regard to weighing less or feeling better. I can say I won't be talking about diets, though. I'm done with diets.
My ultimate goal is live up to the name of this new venture of mine: to Practice Health And Talk about it.

And thus begins my new blog!


Disclaimers - cuz you know I gotta have 'em:

• I am NO expert on health and wellness. 

That should be obvious considering I'm 42 and just now getting around to the very beginning of what SEEMS to be me figuring out ONE of my many issues. At best I'm an expert on messing up! I'm writing this blog to share my experience so that maybe something I write will hit home with someone else.

• Anything new I try will be discussed first with my personal physician and you should do the same!

What I mean is that I may mention something on this blog, I might say I'm going to look into it, but I won't actually embark on something unless I've talked first with my doctor. Just because my doctor says it's cool for me doesn't make it cool for you. Talk to your doctor first before you try any new weight loss or health regime.

• My issues, experiences, and opinions are not your issues, experiences, and opinions - and vice versa.

Please feel free to share with me but let's keep it positive and (assuming anyone reads this and responds) let's stick to reporting the facts of our own choices and situations. I don't want to hear any bad mouthing of one person's journey. Do I want the truth? Yes, I want the truth (and I *can* HANDLE THE TRUTH - A Few Good Men reference there, lol) but speak the truth in LOVE. (Be prepared: in the off chance that I don't like what you have to say I reserve the right to delete your comment and block your grump butt if it comes to that. Don't let it come to that. ;)

• If I think of any disclaimers after the fact I will make them accordingly and make them retro-active/grandfather them in.