My BEAR stands for...

I do this thing… It’s like I must always find deeper meaning in things. In Philosophy (yes, I took college philosophy – letting my geek flag fly here – it’s called integral theory and it’s basically peeling back the layers of a concept and looking beyond what’s literal to extrapolate or pull out hidden or undisclosed meaning. In literature it’s called literary critical analysis (yes, I took that class, too, and got an English Lit degree) and it works the same way – read the story, try to find the deeper meanings and get at what the author was thinking.

My thing is mnemonic devices. Yeah. It’s a mouthful. LOL. I basically take a word that means something to me – one of my newest ones is, “CUB,” and break that word down by creating words from the letters. So, to me, “CUB” means “Confident, Upbeat, Boisterous.” It fits, right? Breaking down the word helps me identify what I feel like the deeper meaning of the word is to me and helps me remember how I want to engage as a new cub in ELAB.

So eventually a cub grows up into a bear… notice there are no ifs or buts there? This thing is GOING to happen. (Feel that confident, upbeat, boisterous persona coming out?) So, I decided I needed to figure out what my BEAR will mean to me. Here’s what I got.

Breathe.
Breathing is literally required for living. Whether you’re doing it on your own or need the help of oxygen, breathing treatments, or a ventilator, you must do it to live. The need for it is innate. Unless you have pulmonary issues, or bad air quality where you live, breathing should come naturally and somewhat easily. But sometimes breathing needs to be purposeful. All you mommas out there who have gone through labor will understand this. Anyone who has ever dealt with a fussy baby when neither of you have had any sleep will understand this. Anyone who has ever managed to keep their cool while dealing with rude kids, rude parents, rude co-workers, rude bosses (see what I’m getting at) rude people in general will understand that sometimes, breathing MUST be purposeful. So instead of just breathing, you must TAKE a breath… or two… or 30.

I’m finding that I take many breaths before I do my meal planning. I take at least one before I open the fridge some days – sometimes before I go in the kitchen – and while I’m cooking. On extended fasting (EF) days I take breaths before I speak to people. If I’m grumpy in my heart, but don’t realize it, then I want to make sure my mild discomfort doesn’t become someone else’s hurt feelings. I take a breath to clear my head, to pause and consider my next step. In the same way I breathe to physically survive, I take a breath to survive and succeed emotionally and mentally. So that’s “B” in my bear.

Encourage/Exhort/Extol

I’ve lost weight many times by changing my eating habits. This is not my first rodeo (but it will be my last)! Losing weight isn’t a problem. Food choice knowledge (for the most part) isn’t the issue. Mental and emotional stamina - the mind-game marathon of losing and keeping it off, and the emotions and coping techniques attached to my “issues” are my struggle. So, what’s different this time? Support! The giving of hope! The building up of my confidence when I’m having a tough time… or even if I’m just having a pity party and need a loving, swift kick in the bear pants! Having a group like ELAB behind me – connecting corporately but also one on one – in concert with the food and physiology information, is the difference this time. But the bonus here is that in getting support, and hope, and confidence, I find I am more and more capable/willing/happy to give it back in kind. Then there’s this crazy victorious cycle! (The opposite of a vicious cycle – I think I made that up, you can use it. 😉) Encouragement leads to being encouraged, which leads to more encouraging, and so on! Which leads me to exhortation!

Exhortation can be one of those victorious cycles, too. As I urge myself to make the positive changes that are truly saving my mind and body, I feel a fire in my belly to speak openly and honestly, and of course, kindly, to people who reach out wanting to know what has changed in me. I’ve even risked a few awkward encounters with people who didn’t reach out… people with stories that I know, whom I admire, who might benefit from even just researching this way of life! Knowing what is being offered here – in my case: the freedom from obesity, lessening of Fibromyalgia pain, arthritis, joint and disc deterioration and degeneration, and inflammation symptomology, to name just a few. The freedom from depression, anxiety, agoraphobic tendencies, and low self-worth based on what seems like an inability to get and feel better, all of this is gone. Now granted those are all things I’ve been able to release, but I believe the principle is the same for everyone if they find their niche, their tribe, their den! So, I’m going to exhort them (as well as myself) to continue to seek health. I’m going to continue to exhort people to seek and find their own version of contentment and peace when it comes to food issues and overweight. I will use my journey as my proof and template – I can only relate my experience and what I know to be true – and hope there is some relatability or connection that leads to success for those who respond.

That leads me to extol! Don’t you just love a good deal? I have this new perfume I found that I LOVE and I decided to save up to buy the big bottle and not just the small bottle with the lotion pack… you know the one I’m talking about? The combo pack they sell at Christmas or Valentine’s Day so little kids (or strapped for cash big kids) can buy their mom or lady their favorite perfume but not have to eat ketchup soup for the week just to afford it? I didn’t want one of those. I wanted the 3oz bottle! (Ha, real “big.”) So, I saved my money and got online to buy it. Well, LOW AND BEHOLD!!! It was on sale, $30 off retail!! Holy guacamole! I scooped that thing up and had it on the first UPS (well, maybe not the *first* one) truck outta there! And when I got it and wore it, I told everyone that said, “Wow, you smell good!” about my deal! It was important for people to know! It was something I was proud of and something that made me feel good. It was something I could share and maybe others could get in on! If it were good for me, maybe it could be good for them; it wasn’t a brag, it certainly wasn’t about my ability to find the good deal. It was the about the deal itself. I was singing the praises of the deal itself and sharing.

It behooves me to extol the way of life (WOL) I am now leading. If something is worthy of doing, it’s worthy of praise. Not from a standpoint of, “LOOK AT ME!” But from a standpoint of, “Look what’s working for me, would you like to hear about it?” And this isn’t like starting my own MLM or pyramid type business. Not that there’s anything wrong with those – I have many amazing friends who supplement their lifestyle and income (some who support themselves entirely) by way of work from home type businesses. ELAB is health! The information can be found FREE online (there is the option of buying digital copies to print, which is what I did because I’m a journaling note taker) and the support group on FB is free to join! As Amanda Rose states on the main pages: “No drugs, no surgery, no branded products. Required: Your own bootstraps!” You’ve heard people say things like this before, “If you knew you had a cure for cancer – even if it only cured one kind of cancer – wouldn’t you want to share it with the world?”

My answer is yes.

So, I’m sharing. I’m gonna share the heck out of this way of life! Maybe it won’t work for everyone… maybe it’s not the right time for some people. I’ll be gentle, remembering that we’re all at different places in life and some of us aren’t quite ready to face some of the horrific details of the circumstances that led us to our personal prison cells of obesity, gluttony, or mental/emotionally fragility. But I’m ready to guide people when they ARE ready. I’m open. I’m vulnerable. I think it’s important to extol the virtues of virtuous things – this has certainly got to be one of those things. Right?

A is for acknowledge/admit. I think most 12 step programs start with something along the lines of, “The first step toward breaking free from addiction is admitting you have a problem.” Now I’m not going to make a blanket statement about every person participating in ELAB. I’m not saying everyone is addicted to food, or coping with food, or whatever. What I am saying is that I personally came to a point where I had to acknowledge I was struggling. I was struggling with health issues caused by overweight, mental illness causing or caused by overweight and/or overeating, failing relationships because I couldn’t see past my own issues to care about the issues of others, and a host of many other big and small co-morbidities. I took a good look at myself in the literal and figurative mirror and owned my pathology. At times I got downright brutal with myself – it was a necessary for me – but then I forgave myself and allowed myself to be loved and comforted and uplifted by my Comforter. This process made it possible for me to then admit out loud, all that came to me: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

There’s something about vocalizing – whether it’s verbal processing or the guttural cries that come with anguish and mourning – that makes me feel better. (Another great thing about the ELAB group and sharing – extol!) It’s cleansing, and it continues to be. As unresolved issues come up, I am continuing to do the same – I’m acknowledging those things and admitting they are real and need fixing. Sometimes the admissions take the form of prayers to God, confessions – asking Him for forgiveness and praying for strength to do the work I need to do to become the best me I can be. Sometimes the admissions come in the form of conversations with friends who have stood by me despite my flake-outs and lack of follow through. It’s telling them I now see what I was doing and how I hurt them or our relationship regardless of whether it was intentional or not. Sometimes the admissions come in journaling, or blog posts, or poetry… whatever form they take, they are part of the process for me and I need them to be a part of my bear.

The last letter of my bear stands for a process: remember, reflect, regret, and release. I’m not a forgetter. I don’t usually hold grudges or anything like that, that’s not what I mean, I just mean that I remember things to learn from them and do or be better next time. Whether it’s something I’ve done, or something that’s been done to me, if it’s something good, then I want to remember it so I can draw from it and be uplifted by it later, especially if I’m having an off day. Or, if it’s a kindness done to me then I want to remember and reciprocate or pay it forward. (Reciprocate – another good “R” word.) If it’s something negative or hurtful then I want to remember that maybe next time I won’t trust that person, or I won’t choose that course of action. So, I remember things that have happened in my past, reflect on them, and glean from them, and use those memories to guide my present.

Sometimes my reflection leads to regret. Regret is a funny word these days because it seems like no one really wants to have any – or at least they don’t want to admit to having any. But regret just boils down to disappointment, and I for one have felt lots of disappointment in my life. I’ve been disappointed with my own choices, and the choices of others’. I’ve been disappointed with the way things have worked out for me or for others. I’ve been disappointed at missed opportunities that I either flaked out on or were out of my control to avoid. Disappointment happens – regret happens. It’s healthy to be sorry about things. It’s healthy to repent of wrongs done. But once the regret has been processed and learned from, I must release it: my final “r” for the final letter of my bear.

Release. I get goosebumps when I think of this word – when I say it out loud, I remember that “WHOOSH” of ketosis during my first few weeks of eating clean and low-carb. I also get this vision of being on the beach, sand in my hand, and releasing the sand into a gust of wind as the waves roll in… release… stillness… quiet… contentment… peace… all of these things come to mind and settle in my soul. In the same way it’s not been healthy for me to hold onto all this weight, it’s unhealthy to hold onto regret. So, I feel it, work through it, and release it to the wind.

Last thoughts: My bear process isn’t something I do once and then I’m done. It’s cyclical. As things come up in life, I deal with them. It’s part of my new -found way of living/thinking: purposeful living with as much transparent intent as I can muster... Sometimes the process is quick and effortless – some things are SO easy to get over and be done with, like some ridiculously obnoxious relationships that have gone WAY past their sell-by date. But sometimes the process is labored, like passing a kidney or gall stone, or having a baby that simply doesn’t want to leave mama’s womb! Strained familial relationships, multi-faceted and complicated at best, are often in this category for me. There’s no quick fix there… and sometimes there’s just no fix at all! But I can still take those relationships as far through the process as I’m able and in doing so, there is some amount of release. I can release the parts that I have no control over. I can release the choices that I made and regret by apologizing and putting the proverbial ball in their court. I can release any guilt I might be feeling and be as present and healthy in the relationship as I’m able. 

This is my bear. This is what it means to me. Maybe you have something similar or maybe you’ve never even thought about it. I hope you’ll consider these words and figure it out for yourself. If it helps, great! That’s a win! If not, release it and do your own thing.

Hugs from this cub, 💘🌻🐻

Stephanie